it's just a feeling

my thoughts blog

visited my old school campus today. felt nostalgic, as well as freeing being there as I don’t have the stress of classes and studying looming over my head as I once did. but I miss the hustle and bustle of campus life

I still feel like a disappointment to you.

Talking to you today, catching up… felt really nice.

If I tell you I feel down, I’m sad, unsatisfied, etc. with my life

Don’t tell me
“You have a family that loves you, a roof over your head, food, friends, etc.”

I know. Stop. I already know.

But sometimes, despite all that, I feel sad anyway. Sometimes people feel sad.

Don’t tell me
“Just get over it!”

I already know. It’s not that easy. Stop.

I get it.

I really thought I’d be working by now. It’s been 3 months since I started applying and almost 4 since I graduated. Feels strange just being at home whilst all social media points to UConn’s first day of classes which makes me feel left out but at the same time glad it’s over with. I wish I had a distraction though.

do I ever cross your mind?
you somehow always come across mine

I hate that I miss you
that I feel terribly alone inside

I don’t even want to say
“come back to me”

I hate you. But I hate you because I still miss you.

I don’t want to be a citizen of this god-awful country anyway.

I miss you | 2:38am

all the tweets, snapchats, Facebook posts - any form of social media of people posting about how they’re moving back in
it makes me so sad
I miss college.
I’m a fresh graduate
but I miss it all already

sigh.

day by day it gets a little easier
as I stop thinking about you as much
or even seeing your name
I’m not trying to avoid you,
but the healing process just requires that you aren’t in it
I still miss you
and I wish I could talk to you as normally as we do
but please grant me this time

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