it's just a feeling

my thoughts blog

maybe I’m finally learning, or maybe I’m just tired of it
but I finally decided that I didn’t want to be wallowing anymore so I instead just changed my mood and became calmer

well fuck you asshole brother I’m gonna destroy everything in your room


Today I realised that I am caring less and less about you that way, there is no longer a bitterness, a jealousy, a sadness that envelopes your name. All that I feel is a joy, a curiosity, a happiness when I talk to you. 

I do not think I am fully over you, but I am working on it less because as with time, my wounds are healing. I am living again as normally as I can, worrying about other things that call to my attention. Like finding a job, that I really need with upcoming loans. That part sucks; makes me bitter, jealous and sad. But you, you are a thought that I have come to accept, be curious about, and be glad that we are still on speaking terms.

seriously regret getting iOS 8


I don’t understand

woke up grumpy, great way to start the day

forever feeling like shit

I know I’m the only one who can bring myself out of it but

talking to you about it just makes me feel like shit. why didn’t I learn not to bother the several other previous times you’ve said enough to piss me off

today you texted me
when I was doing so well on my own
I didn’t think you’d contact me so soon
it threw me off guard, off guard so much
that I got angry.
I was already angry
frustrated at my own failures
my own misgivings
and you didn’t help that feeling
at all.
it was a surprise.
an unwelcome surprise.
texting you now…
it’s not the same, it’s the same
but I don’t want to feel the same
I don’t want it to be the same
we won’t be the same
nothing can be the same anyway
it never happens once things have changed
I miss you, but I don’t think I can bring myself to tell you.
there’s so many things I wish were different but it clearly didn’t happen that way
you’re still texting me now, I feel dead, waiting for you to leave again, I’m waiting.


Scorpio has the worst time coping with = those who betray their trust, heartbreak and setbacks that limit their potential

really felt out of it today,

you’re on my mind, unemployment, he’s on my mind


shoutout to the people who paid me immediately on Venmo

Fixed. theme by Andrew McCarthy